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Wee liberties: Beauty and The Beast: A Horny Love Story at Charing Cross Theatre

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It may not be a tale as old as time, but it’s still the same old story, almost, with Beauty and the Beast: A Horny Love Story currently playing at the Charing Cross Theatre .  As the title suggests, this is not family holiday entertainment, but neither is it all gay gore. And a surprisingly large number of clever gags, a gorgeous-looking production, costumes, and an ensemble make for a classy night out with the occasional lashing of sluttiness.  It’s been a while since I have seen an adults-only panto. Like many things at the theatre—ticket prices, opening nights, age of social media influencers—things have changed. Happily, things have changed for the better here. The show focuses on assembling an excellent cast. Elaborate costumes by Robert Draper and David Shields’ set pieces help give this adult panto a touch of class. There are the usual lewd jokes and a quick flash of buttocks.   The setting of the story is in the northernmost village of Scotland, Lickmanochers. Not...

Waiting for Sandy: Milked @WhiteBearTheatre

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Two lads looking for meaning and lots of time on their hands are at the heart of Milked. Simon Longman's play first premiered in 2013. While it may not capture the latest malaises and anxieties affecting post-pandemic youth, it has enough of a familiar ring to it for anyone who has eavesdropped on the thoughts and musings of young people when out and about. And with some lively performances by the two young men, you feel drawn into their bizarre little world as the conversation runs from the routine to the ridiculous. It's currently having a short run at the White Bear Theatre in Kennington. 

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The premise is that Paul (Iwan Bond) is searching for a job that becomes increasingly desperate. He wants to find a job in media (whatever that is) but has neither the skills nor the experience to do it. And being based in Herefordshire rather than London makes it a stretch to be considered for anything. His mate, Snowy (Evan L. Barker), seems to be on a journey of self-discovery. His father has a sheep farm but doesn't seem bothered by doing much. Amidst all this idleness and fruitless job searching, Snowy stumbles upon a distressed cow trapped in a local field and enlists Paul's help to lend a hand. At first, to improve things for the cow, but then find the most implausible ways to end the cow's suffering. 

From suffocating the cow in a large plastic bag to chopping down a tree to crush it, it's probably a good idea that there is no real cow featured here. We are left to our imagination about the animal's state. It's like Waiting for Godot if Godot was bloating. But between all the ideas of knocking off Sandy (as they refer to her), a compelling story emerges about why these young men are lost and adrift. The two leads' performances make you feel sympathetic to their cause, even if it doesn't seem plausible (or humane) not to call for help. 

There is also something nice about a production that manages to throw everything on stage - clover, chopped trees, a mountain of job applications and a sofa that looks like the production team might have found on a street nearby. 

Directed by David Bond, Milked is at the White Bear Theatre until 25 January. It's billed as a play with a big cow, two guys and some music. If you ask me, it seems like a good way to start the year. 

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

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Photos by Craig Sugden


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