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Bit parts: Garry Starr Performs Everything @swkplay

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Garry Starr Performs Everything is a bare-bones (and bare buttocks) tribute to the theatre. Theatre may be in trouble, and audiences are down, but Garry Starr aims to save the theatre and bring back to the masses every style of theatre possible. As long as each style involves wearing a transparent white leotard or a skimpy thong. And tassels. It's part comedy, part physical comedy and part perv at Gary's physical prowess. The sentiment "if you've got it, flaunt it" applies here. So here we are with a show that has been around for some years and is having its first proper London run at the Southwark Playhouse (Borough) through Christmas. The premise is that Garry Starr (played by Damien Warren-Smith) has left the Royal Shakespeare Company over artistic differences. He is now on a mission to save the theatre from misrepresentation and worthy interpretations by doing things such as a two-minute Hamlet, recreating scenes from a Pinter play using unsuspecting audience
Idle Friday Chatter #1

Scene: As Paul heads out to lunch he waits at the traffic lights at Brixton. A police siren suddenly goes off and the woman beside him lets out a shriek

Mad woman on the street: Oh this place I can't stand it it's 'orrible, it's too noisy and I just can't take it anymore. I just can't take it anymore and I think I'm about to lose it. And that woman on the bench over there yeah she just said to me that I need a long hard screw and they are all just taking cocaine and this place is a mess and I just can't take it anymore and I think one more thing and I am just going to lose it I really am I am really just going to really lose it....

Her voice trails off as Paul crosses the street and walks away faster and faster... all the while trying to remember the minute details of monologue...

Idle Friday Chatter #2

Scene: Friday afternoon in the office, F has just returned from the ladies...

F: Ethel from accounts doesn't blend her blush. I saw her in the toilet caking it on and she looks like... She looks like one of those porcelain dolls... It just looks un-natural!
Paul: Unless that is the look she's going for... Either that or whore on the high street...

*not her real name or occupation

Idle Friday Chatter #3

Scene: Friday evening in Soho. Paul is with A (Eurostarguy) and have entered a café for a late night hot chocolate. Entering the café laughing and carrying on (as one does on a sensible Friday evening) A heads to the mens room and Paul sashays over to a seat in the corner and flops down as if he has had a few too many "lemonades" for the evening. As he takes a menu he glances up and sees that his ex is sitting opposite alone and dressed like a chav.

Ex: Hi Paul
Paul: Er hi there.
Ex: You're looking well. Much better than last time I saw you. You looked a bit tired then...

Paul does not return a back-handed compliment as (a) he is not quick witted enough and (b) he thinks his ex looks like shit. In fact Paul does not say much more. Ex eventually gets up and leaves.


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