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Bit parts: Garry Starr Performs Everything @swkplay

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Garry Starr Performs Everything is a bare-bones (and bare buttocks) tribute to the theatre. Theatre may be in trouble, and audiences are down, but Garry Starr aims to save the theatre and bring back to the masses every style of theatre possible. As long as each style involves wearing a transparent white leotard or a skimpy thong. And tassels. It's part comedy, part physical comedy and part perv at Gary's physical prowess. The sentiment "if you've got it, flaunt it" applies here. So here we are with a show that has been around for some years and is having its first proper London run at the Southwark Playhouse (Borough) through Christmas. The premise is that Garry Starr (played by Damien Warren-Smith) has left the Royal Shakespeare Company over artistic differences. He is now on a mission to save the theatre from misrepresentation and worthy interpretations by doing things such as a two-minute Hamlet, recreating scenes from a Pinter play using unsuspecting audience

Sport of the week: one legged bitches

Sport of the week this week has been slagging off at Heather Mills. After the newsflash yesterday about the divorce, It takes the form of various things on the email rounds…

A poem by Paul McCartneyI lay upon a grassy bank, my hands were all a quiverI slowly removed her suspender beltAnd her leg fell in the river

Or this…

Heather Mills Press statement
Former model, Heather Mills has recently released a press comment to stamp out the allegations of her split from her pop star husband.
A close friend says Heather is hopping mad and although both her and Paul are unaccustomed to knee jerk reactions they have decided to go out on a limb.
"I'm totally stumped" Said Heather today. "We're going through a rough patch but I've no intention of legging it"

Oh and yes, the divorce is expected to cost Paul an arm and a leg…

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