Customer service at a Clapham shoe repair store...

Man: Your shoes will be ready next week.
Paul: Ok that's fine.
Man: When would you like to pick them up?
Paul: I'll pick them up next Saturday…
Man: They will be ready by Wednesday…
Paul: Ok then I'll pick 'em up on Wednesday then!
Man: And that's £10 deposit too…

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Opera and full frontal nudity: Rigoletto

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David McVicar's oddly modern production of Rigoletto is back at the Royal Opera House . This modern and minimalist dark production has evolved over the years. It is better lit now but there is still an orgy and full frontal nudity within the first thirty minutes. This enables anyone not in the stalls an excellent view of a flaccid penis and a nicely shaved bush. But as time goes it seems more and more superfluous to the main focus of this tragedy of a court jester who seeks revenge. Here is hoping that the production continues to evolve... Conductor John Eliot Gardiner keeps the music well paced. Dimitri Platanias in the title role sounded great and received a rapturous applause for his interpretation of the role. You get a sense more of the doting father rather than the court jester or cursed man here. Vittorio Grigolo plays the Duke and sounds too lovely to be the cad the role calls for, but it is hard not to like when he is on stage anyway. And it is easier to understan
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Panto at the sofa: The Legend of Moby Dick Whittington @wesleepingtrees

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If you’re missing live theatre and missing live panto, Sleeping Trees have come up with an ingenious way to bring the spirit of panto season to your living room or your makeshift office (if you’re not casting it on television). The Legend of Moby Dick Whittington isn’t a show for couch potatoes either as you’ll find yourself throwing things at your telly or making a ship out of a sofa. And my household agreed that at fifty minutes long it has more laughs than series four of the Crown.  The premise is that Dick Whittington having defeated King Rat, is Mayor of London. And during his first Christmas Santa is eaten by a large white wale. And so with the help of Dr Arab, a marine biologist they find the Whale, and get out Santa and save Christmas. Sleeping Trees have a history of turning traditional pantomimes on their head. Previous shows included Cinderella and the Beanstalk and Scrooge and the Seven Dwarves . Now with The Legend of Moby Dick Whittington, they can use the magic of reco
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Signs of life online and in concert...

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While theatre is slowly showing signs of reopening in the coming month I’ve seen my first show indoors. In Italy. A concert. No temperature checks just leave your name and wear a mask throughout the concert. And sit relatively apart from strangers within a small church where the concert was taking place. It was great to see something. Anything. After so many months.  The transmission rates are lower in Italy, and they do appear to be taking Covid19 a lot more seriously than in the UK. Leaving your name and phone number is a requirement. Posters are everywhere reminding people to wash their hands and keep a distance. Indoor spaces are well ventilated. Everyone wears a mask without making a fuss. Hopefully following these simple rules without over-complicating things will allow venues to open up where possible.  Until then, The Public Campaign for the Arts has launched a new online platform, creating an unprecedented support link between UK citizens and their cultural organisations. The
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